Embarrassing.?..you bet!

I suppose it is time to replinish. And since I have been sadly, tagged by my boyfriend, I guess I should go through with his request. **he's got me tied around his finger** (i'm okay with that, though ;) ) Well, here it goes... Though most people already know that I have no weird habits, I suppose I could try to put something down. It'll be hard, but people should understand why... j/k...

My 5 "Weird" Habits:

1. Well, I have this habit of playing with my rings, like taking them off and putting them right back on when I'm nervous. I don't understand why, but I do it a lot. It's like I have to keep my hands busy in order to keep my mind of my anxieties.

2. I must have a pillow in between my knees when I sleep. Or if I don't have a pillow I sleep with my hands together (as if you're praying) and I slide them in between my knees instead. I love the fetus possition with the blankets rapped all about me. (just a side note)

3. Okay, this is embarrassing, and I don't think I've ever told anyone this, but I have a habit of biting my lip when I get really anxious, nervous, or worried. I absolutely hate this habit! It's annoying, but I got it from my mom. (her and I are quite similer) ** I've tried many times to stop and I catch myself starting to and I tell myself to stop, but seriously...It's probably my worst habit.

*** I just noticed that 3 out of my 5 habits are caused because of anxiety, worry,anticipation, and nervousness... is that bad?***

4. Last year I did this a lot during basketball bacuase I was always so incredably nervous before or even during the games, but I chewed my nails. Now I just chew my nails before a really big test or just when something unusual happens. But I've discovered the true purpose of nail clippers! So now I just cut them really short when I notice myself chewing on them. :)

5. For my last one...I have to be in the middle! It's a must. I hate being on the side. Lets say there is a bench and your family is all sitting together, and on the other half of the bench you have a different family sitting togther. Well, you would think that I or anyone wouldn't mind sitting in the middle of the two families because you would be "in the middle." No, I would have to sit in between the people I know, not someone I know and someone I don't know. I feel very insecure. ha! It's an insecurity thing, but I can't help it. Nor do I like to be stuck on the very end of the bench where there's one side that has no one beside you at all. That's the worst. *Paranoia?!?*

Finally, I'm finished. It took me a while, but I thought of some that hopefully won''t drive you away. I pray you all had a fabulous and memorable Christmas and New Year. Right now I'm heading out to pick up some pictures and going to a movie and dinner with family. Love!

. . .

Somethings you just can't express any further.

God's Love: Clear

"I saw the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your prensence. "-David- Acts 1: 25-28

Does anyone else feel a little bit convicted by this verse? Can I honestly say that I ALWAYS see the Lord before me? Recently, I've seen Him more clearly, but there are many times I want to run on my own.

This may be short, but I hope that at least one person understands... I'm sure there is.

Love you guys.

The Time has Come...

The time has come where goals are determined and reason is challenged. Where does your inspiration come from on these types of days? Do you allow yourself to be confidant and not worry, or do you need that lack of confidence in order to push yourself ? I have found myself doubting my ability to do what God has blessed me to do this passed week. He has giving me the desire to run and enjoy it. This passed season I have grown mentally and emotionally through miles and miles of training. I never imagined myself being this close to qualifying at Regionals. God has shown me His power and His strength through my last two meets, why do I tend to continually forget that? He's the one I'm running for. He deserves all the glory. Do I humble myself and allow people to see that it was not I that ran that 4K race, it was the swift feet of my Savior. Today determines much. It's the Regional meet that qualifies you for the State meet at Rim Rock. The top 15 medal and qualify... Do I allow myself to get overly excited and anxious for this meet or do I remember for whom i'm truly running for? Not only does it determine my qualifying for State, but it proves that this season of training has not been for nothing. We've put in so many miles, why not show that the conditioning we've been gowing through has paid off? Also, this shows your true desire, your true commitement, and most importantly your true mental growth. This growth will deterime whether or not you're ready. This growth is your confidence. Without it, you're doomed. Being the one to have confidence in yourself or your team doesn't have to mean you're prideful or boastful. Confidence can be pride in a humble way. This morning God gave me a renewed mind set. I went and walked the course by myself and allowed the Lord to change the way i was thinking. I talked to Him; telling Him all my worries and doubts, informing Him of how exciting it would be to finally make it, asking for forgiveness of my sin in doubting Him all week long, and praising and thanking Him for the opportunity/blessing of giving me the ability to face my opponents and run like I know how to run. He's on my side. That's the most reassuring feeling in my life. No matter if I come in 2nd with a 15:30 or I come in 16th with a 16:30, He will love me no more and He will love me no less. Now my final question, will I love myself anymore or anyless if I do come in with either placing?

God's Still Convicted Servant

Isn't this weather just amazing! This type of chilly weather motivates me in a way I can't quite understand, especially in my running. I feel as if I could run for miles and miles. oh, wait! Ha! We already do do that. Anyways, "drama" has been going well. There's nothing new to say about school in general, but when you decide to break it down into the categories of friends, relationships, and sports, well, it isn't necessarily going the way I'd wish it were. But then again, when do things go exactly "my" way? As I said in my last blog, God is still pulling at my heart to bring more people to Him, but I have yet to fulfill His will. I've recognized the vital importance of 1st having an intimate friendship with your friends before God will allow you to feel as if you are accomplishing something. That's my biggest prayer right now... To better priorities my life. Doesn't seem too hard when you look at it through the big picture, but there are so many concepts you must consider, especially if you're going to set things right. Ha! It seems like whenever I blog it's always something I need help with. I'm sorry, guys. I'll try to write more about other things. I pray all is well with everyone. Remember... every morning when you pray, before you "start" your day, ask God to bless you. It sounds selfish, but those who ask to be blessed are those who are truly searching for His Righteousness.
Prayerfully, Me

P.S. Is anyone else excited about Jim's sermons? They are so amazing!

"What if His people prayed?!?"

God has a way of challenging me when i least expect it, but undoubtedly need it. Ever since "drama" started, I've been noticing how my priorities are not God's priorities. I've gotten caught up in being complacent with my girl friend relationships. It's just so easy to tell yourself, "Well, i at least said hi to her today. If she wanted to talk or if there was anything important on her mind, then she would've/should've told me." I'm so wrong! How can I be so ignorant? How can I be so disobedient to the Lord's calling? Two years! Going on three and there is sooo much to accomplish. I can't even begin to fathom all that He's called me to do. In my heart I know... In my heart I can see it... I can visualize how, if allowed, God could turn our schools around. Sheesh! We Christians are our friends gateway to heaven. They need us. They see us. They see Him. They are so lost. So utterly confused! *I'm sorry* God has just really been tearing at my heart and soul about this lately. *I'm so scared, guys.* I listened to Casting Crowns this morning on the way to school. The 1st song is amazing, oh my goodness. I got the chills continually during that song. "What if His people prayed?!..." That right there gives me chills just thinking about the possibility of all His beautiful people praying to Him and Him alone. My friends! My teachers! My school! Knowing the truth about why we live each day. ok, so maybe i'm wishing and hoping just a tad too much, but even if one person. One of my non-christian friends recognized, through me that I am "different." Oh, Lord! I can just see one of my girl friends. She's amazing already and I can see her loving the Lord like no other. She would make the biggest difference in our school and her life would change so much. Her worries would be scattered. Her joy would be multiplied. *Oh, God please help me!* I love you guys and I completely understand how all of us feel. How do we get out there? Where do we start? What do we say without having a negative affect on our friends? Lets pray for one another. We can make a huge difference this year, guys. Let's not allow one another to fail our Lord.

First Three Days Back And Already Ready to Leave, how sad!

Wednesday THS started their first day of drama( in other words-school-) I was quite surprised by my attitude going into this first half week. God truly gave me to desire to be prepared to learn from my teachers and learn from my dear friends. I'm ready, I think. There is a lot of pressure to be someone your not and be farther along then you are. Everyone wants to impress people. Everyone wants to fit in. No one enjoys being looked down upon for one reason or another, so we choose to decide to allow that pressure to transform us into someone we aren't. Ive allowed that to happen to me in the passed few years of high school, and i'm finally realizing that I shouldn't. It'll only hurt you and the one's you love. It's going to take me a while to be my own and to not allow the outside distractions to influence my decisions, but I have been praying continually about how i could possibly accomplish this. God has in a way already shown me a way. To ask my parents for support and prayer during this Junior year. I asked them to challenge me spiritually and to "update" me in any way or form I can become a woman of God. They appreciated me coming to them 1st, but I hope they realize how appreciative I am/was of their understanding. Sorry this was short and maybe has no significance to anyone else, but I just thought I'd share how the Lord is working and challenging my heart at this point in my life.