God's Will Unfolded

Embarrassing.?..you bet!

2006-01-01T14:46:00.000-06:00

I suppose it is time to replinish. And since I have been sadly, tagged by my boyfriend, I guess I should go through with his request. **he's got me tied around his finger** (i'm okay with that, though ;) ) Well, here it goes... Though most people already know that I have no weird habits, I suppose I could try to put something down. It'll be hard, but people should understand why... j/k...

My 5 "Weird" Habits:

1. Well, I have this habit of playing with my rings, like taking them off and putting them right back on when I'm nervous. I don't understand why, but I do it a lot. It's like I have to keep my hands busy in order to keep my mind of my anxieties.

2. I must have a pillow in between my knees when I sleep. Or if I don't have a pillow I sleep with my hands together (as if you're praying) and I slide them in between my knees instead. I love the fetus possition with the blankets rapped all about me. (just a side note)

3. Okay, this is embarrassing, and I don't think I've ever told anyone this, but I have a habit of biting my lip when I get really anxious, nervous, or worried. I absolutely hate this habit! It's annoying, but I got it from my mom. (her and I are quite similer) ** I've tried many times to stop and I catch myself starting to and I tell myself to stop, but seriously...It's probably my worst habit.

*** I just noticed that 3 out of my 5 habits are caused because of anxiety, worry,anticipation, and nervousness... is that bad?***

4. Last year I did this a lot during basketball bacuase I was always so incredably nervous before or even during the games, but I chewed my nails. Now I just chew my nails before a really big test or just when something unusual happens. But I've discovered the true purpose of nail clippers! So now I just cut them really short when I notice myself chewing on them. :)

5. For my last one...I have to be in the middle! It's a must. I hate being on the side. Lets say there is a bench and your family is all sitting together, and on the other half of the bench you have a different family sitting togther. Well, you would think that I or anyone wouldn't mind sitting in the middle of the two families because you would be "in the middle." No, I would have to sit in between the people I know, not someone I know and someone I don't know. I feel very insecure. ha! It's an insecurity thing, but I can't help it. Nor do I like to be stuck on the very end of the bench where there's one side that has no one beside you at all. That's the worst. *Paranoia?!?*

Finally, I'm finished. It took me a while, but I thought of some that hopefully won''t drive you away. I pray you all had a fabulous and memorable Christmas and New Year. Right now I'm heading out to pick up some pictures and going to a movie and dinner with family. Love!

. . .

2005-11-30T23:45:00.000-06:00

Somethings you just can't express any further.

God's Love: Clear

2005-11-25T00:15:00.000-06:00

"I saw the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your prensence. "-David- Acts 1: 25-28

Does anyone else feel a little bit convicted by this verse? Can I honestly say that I ALWAYS see the Lord before me? Recently, I've seen Him more clearly, but there are many times I want to run on my own.

This may be short, but I hope that at least one person understands... I'm sure there is.

Love you guys.

The Time has Come...

2005-10-22T11:05:00.000-05:00

The time has come where goals are determined and reason is challenged. Where does your inspiration come from on these types of days? Do you allow yourself to be confidant and not worry, or do you need that lack of confidence in order to push yourself ? I have found myself doubting my ability to do what God has blessed me to do this passed week. He has giving me the desire to run and enjoy it. This passed season I have grown mentally and emotionally through miles and miles of training. I never imagined myself being this close to qualifying at Regionals. God has shown me His power and His strength through my last two meets, why do I tend to continually forget that? He's the one I'm running for. He deserves all the glory. Do I humble myself and allow people to see that it was not I that ran that 4K race, it was the swift feet of my Savior. Today determines much. It's the Regional meet that qualifies you for the State meet at Rim Rock. The top 15 medal and qualify... Do I allow myself to get overly excited and anxious for this meet or do I remember for whom i'm truly running for? Not only does it determine my qualifying for State, but it proves that this season of training has not been for nothing. We've put in so many miles, why not show that the conditioning we've been gowing through has paid off? Also, this shows your true desire, your true commitement, and most importantly your true mental growth. This growth will deterime whether or not you're ready. This growth is your confidence. Without it, you're doomed. Being the one to have confidence in yourself or your team doesn't have to mean you're prideful or boastful. Confidence can be pride in a humble way. This morning God gave me a renewed mind set. I went and walked the course by myself and allowed the Lord to change the way i was thinking. I talked to Him; telling Him all my worries and doubts, informing Him of how exciting it would be to finally make it, asking for forgiveness of my sin in doubting Him all week long, and praising and thanking Him for the opportunity/blessing of giving me the ability to face my opponents and run like I know how to run. He's on my side. That's the most reassuring feeling in my life. No matter if I come in 2nd with a 15:30 or I come in 16th with a 16:30, He will love me no more and He will love me no less. Now my final question, will I love myself anymore or anyless if I do come in with either placing?

God's Still Convicted Servant

2005-09-29T17:14:00.000-05:00

Isn't this weather just amazing! This type of chilly weather motivates me in a way I can't quite understand, especially in my running. I feel as if I could run for miles and miles. oh, wait! Ha! We already do do that. Anyways, "drama" has been going well. There's nothing new to say about school in general, but when you decide to break it down into the categories of friends, relationships, and sports, well, it isn't necessarily going the way I'd wish it were. But then again, when do things go exactly "my" way? As I said in my last blog, God is still pulling at my heart to bring more people to Him, but I have yet to fulfill His will. I've recognized the vital importance of 1st having an intimate friendship with your friends before God will allow you to feel as if you are accomplishing something. That's my biggest prayer right now... To better priorities my life. Doesn't seem too hard when you look at it through the big picture, but there are so many concepts you must consider, especially if you're going to set things right. Ha! It seems like whenever I blog it's always something I need help with. I'm sorry, guys. I'll try to write more about other things. I pray all is well with everyone. Remember... every morning when you pray, before you "start" your day, ask God to bless you. It sounds selfish, but those who ask to be blessed are those who are truly searching for His Righteousness.
Prayerfully, Me

P.S. Is anyone else excited about Jim's sermons? They are so amazing!

"What if His people prayed?!?"

2005-09-16T16:29:00.000-05:00

God has a way of challenging me when i least expect it, but undoubtedly need it. Ever since "drama" started, I've been noticing how my priorities are not God's priorities. I've gotten caught up in being complacent with my girl friend relationships. It's just so easy to tell yourself, "Well, i at least said hi to her today. If she wanted to talk or if there was anything important on her mind, then she would've/should've told me." I'm so wrong! How can I be so ignorant? How can I be so disobedient to the Lord's calling? Two years! Going on three and there is sooo much to accomplish. I can't even begin to fathom all that He's called me to do. In my heart I know... In my heart I can see it... I can visualize how, if allowed, God could turn our schools around. Sheesh! We Christians are our friends gateway to heaven. They need us. They see us. They see Him. They are so lost. So utterly confused! *I'm sorry* God has just really been tearing at my heart and soul about this lately. *I'm so scared, guys.* I listened to Casting Crowns this morning on the way to school. The 1st song is amazing, oh my goodness. I got the chills continually during that song. "What if His people prayed?!..." That right there gives me chills just thinking about the possibility of all His beautiful people praying to Him and Him alone. My friends! My teachers! My school! Knowing the truth about why we live each day. ok, so maybe i'm wishing and hoping just a tad too much, but even if one person. One of my non-christian friends recognized, through me that I am "different." Oh, Lord! I can just see one of my girl friends. She's amazing already and I can see her loving the Lord like no other. She would make the biggest difference in our school and her life would change so much. Her worries would be scattered. Her joy would be multiplied. *Oh, God please help me!* I love you guys and I completely understand how all of us feel. How do we get out there? Where do we start? What do we say without having a negative affect on our friends? Lets pray for one another. We can make a huge difference this year, guys. Let's not allow one another to fail our Lord.

First Three Days Back And Already Ready to Leave, how sad!

2005-08-19T00:25:00.000-05:00

Wednesday THS started their first day of drama( in other words-school-) I was quite surprised by my attitude going into this first half week. God truly gave me to desire to be prepared to learn from my teachers and learn from my dear friends. I'm ready, I think. There is a lot of pressure to be someone your not and be farther along then you are. Everyone wants to impress people. Everyone wants to fit in. No one enjoys being looked down upon for one reason or another, so we choose to decide to allow that pressure to transform us into someone we aren't. Ive allowed that to happen to me in the passed few years of high school, and i'm finally realizing that I shouldn't. It'll only hurt you and the one's you love. It's going to take me a while to be my own and to not allow the outside distractions to influence my decisions, but I have been praying continually about how i could possibly accomplish this. God has in a way already shown me a way. To ask my parents for support and prayer during this Junior year. I asked them to challenge me spiritually and to "update" me in any way or form I can become a woman of God. They appreciated me coming to them 1st, but I hope they realize how appreciative I am/was of their understanding. Sorry this was short and maybe has no significance to anyone else, but I just thought I'd share how the Lord is working and challenging my heart at this point in my life.

2005-08-15T12:01:00.000-05:00

The anticipation, suspence, and surprise of a whole weeks wait became well worth it on Sunday night. I was sure to unwrap little by little each day until I finally was able to be revealed the whole surprise, but he had other plans for that. After a few attempts to sqeeze any information out of this boy and being quite unsuccessful, I began to feel helpless. (Yes, again I was helpless;) ) My anticipation began on Tuesday and wasn't relieved until Sunday night around 5:20. He made the trip down Gage all the way through Mexico and finally arrived at my house... Ha! Sadly it's so true. Since he made me wait 5 days, I decided to make him wait a little while while i had my quiet times down in my room. Ok, well maybe that just made me even more anxious... dangit! Don't you hate how your own evil schemes backfire on you? hehehe! So, i walked up casually and finally decided to head out. I don't think either of us could wait any longer for what that night brought. Just the thought of being together. No matter what we do, as long as it's together, we are both satisfied and fulfilled. I had prayed before i came up that that night would be nothing but glorifying to our Lord above. I felt His love and joy thourghout the whole night, well, besides the evil that was present in the movie we went too, but that's beside the point. We went back to his house and i got to see the coolest kid in the world, little Jacob! (That's a toss-up... seeing him or everything else that went on that night...hummmm?!? :) ) Waited for T and Suzie to come, then decided to finally get this exciting night started. Suzie and I are clueless on what the boys have planned. (It was great!) They took us to Olive Garden, which they new we love bread and salads. (Smart boys!) During dinner Suzie and I were trying, descritely to figure out what happens next and in a way we did... the boys started to get a little nervous and anxious about our food arriving in a timely fashion. So... Suzie and I, with our amazing knowledge picked up on this and started teasing them. Since they we frequently saying to one another, "Oh, we have a good 10 minutes." That pretty much gave it away... tight schedule? hummm... movie?!? After packing up the food we got in the car and headed North. Sweet! A movie at the new theatre. (Hey! I've never been there, I was excited.) And we saw the movie I really wanted to see. The Skeleton key... T and Suzie hate scary movies so it was great seeing them get scared. But him and I also could't help but jump at a few parts as well. By the end I was getting anxious again and frustrated with just sitting there...if you know me, I believe I have a severe case of ADD. (Yes, Insomnia too;) ) The movie was good, but honestly i would wait to see it in the $1.50 theatre. The movie ended and we got back into the car and headed East...hummm....? A little confused, but ready for anything these creative boys had in mind for us girls. (SMILE) (JCHM;) ) To our surprise we were driving towards Gage Park. Since no one except us 4 understand why this would be significant or special to us in any way, I believe it's best to leave it that way. The rest is for us to know and always remember. I honestly can't think of how it could've been any better. There are no words in the whole English Dictionary that would best describe what happened between us as friends and as dating couples. In fact, if i had to pick one i believe all would just underestimate what happened... so...I'll just remain...speechless.

2005-08-05T12:40:00.000-05:00

Holla everyone!
Two days ago the youth group returned from an amazing trip to Acuna, Mexico. What an awesome experience, I must say. God truly had the whole trip planned out for us. We expected extremely hot weather, but the Lord took care of that. The weahter was fabulous. There was always wind to cool us down while we worked hard moving dirt piles and making cement. Not one person got sick and I believe everyone enjoyed the food. God blessed all of us with pretty good attitudes the whole time, which we definitely needed. Like everyday experiences there was drama, but we pulled through. The leaders were awesome and I can prolly speak for all of us that you guys made the trip so much fun and relaxing. Thanks!
There were times when I got pretty depressed...(1) being because I couldn't speak much Spanish. How frustrating to be in Mexico and are unable to speak their language. Especially when you are trying to conduct a VBS for all the little Mexican kids around the neighborhood. UH! I'm sure that I wasn't the only one frustated with myself. The children were amazing, though. Despite the inability to speak their language, they still loved you. They wanted more than anything for you to just be there. Their smiles lit up the room and gave me a new hope every time I saw them. I was takenaback when a girl about 15 noticed my vulnerability and decided to take me under her wing. She reminded me that it doesn't matter what you say or in my case, what you can't say, you can still love someone by your efforts and your body language. ( Thanks Jury)
Alot more happened on this trip that I would love to tell, but there will be plenty of time for me to reveal the rest of my experiences. Such as God's Hands molding me more and more. The new friendships I made. Oh, and the one's that grew fonder as the days went by. Like I sad before, I always enjoy to keep you on your toes. Love you guys!

Amazing: The Five Love Languages By: Gary Chapman !Very Vital for Everyone to Read!

2005-07-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

Does anyone ever feel so utterly consummed by something? As if you were trapped and there was no clear way to get out of it? You feel as if no one will understand what's truly going on emotionally inside your weak body, that for some reason won't allow yourself to be set free... Why do we allow ourselves to come to that point where we just want to break down? You are afraid to move. Afraid to feel. Afraid to touch. Afraid to speak. Afraid to see what's so clearly the answer right infront of your open eyes.
This was me... let's say just another innocent victim of Satan's evil schemes. And i allowed him to attack... Maybe this has never happened to you and i pray that no one ever has to feel like this, but this is just an example of how powerful Satan really is. One who can bring you to the depths and keep you down there as long as he wants...until! Of course... YOU, yourself decide no longer to allow his transforming power to reign over your soul any longer. This is were your whole body and mind seem to transform and become someone you don't even recognize. Your spirit is lifted and you feel like no one could/can ever harm you again. You feel safe. You feel loved. You feel understood, even though you've told no one(humanly) of your uncomprehendable transition. But the most beautiful feeling of all is that you finally feel...free!
This is me.

2005-07-03T21:00:00.000-05:00

Sheesh! what a day. Seriously this week had to be the most stressful week of my life, but i pulled through it. God's amazing like that. Yes, i know it has been quite some time since I've written, but hey! I like to keep you guys on your toes. A lot has happened in my life. God has worked on me. Molding my mind, heart, and soul into the woman He desires me to be. Ha! sadly, I still have a long way to go, but I believe I'm taking the right steps to get there. He never said it would be easy nor did He say it would happen in a day, but He did promise us whatever we ask for in His name. Not necessarily a specific date or day, but according to His timing in our lives.
Speaking of God's perfect timing... sheesh! yours was amazing! I know God had complete control over your emotions and feelings, but you can't not get some credit for choosing when the right time was. Ha! Wow. Pray for peace and He shall give you peace. A peace that overcomes your entire being and you yourself feel like a completely different person. Has anyone been blessed with that feeling before? Oh, i highly recomend anyone who is struggling with a difficult decision they have to make or just needs reassurance about something in their lives... pray for God's understanding and peace about the whole situation. He will transform your heart, if you allow him to speak.
You know what the most blessed blessing God has given me this summer... it's the realization that you are no where without TRUE friends. He has given me the best group of people to hang out with and learn from. They teach me so much, even if it's the most simpliest thing. Godly friends are one's you can always count on to just be there. Supporting your every decision. Convicting you( in a godly and trustworthy way) of the wrong you are doing. Praising you when your not the one worthy of their praise. Encouraging you on towards the goal set before all of us Christians. And the most edifying of them all, their the one's that will love you forever and their friendships will last a lifetime. I thank the Lord for those people, which I hope know who they are... Your prayers have been greatly appreciated and answered!(for the most part) As one of my very best friends said to me today, " Today is the beginning of the end. " I, myself couldn't believe him when he said it, but he had more faith in me then I did in myself. Actually, he had more faith in God then I did... hummm... sad, I must admit. But God showed me then that I can be strong and His power overcomes Satan's power, if we allow it too. Again, God is good!
Well, hopefully this week will be a little less stressful for everyone. Just think... tomorrow! HE! HE! HE! Fourth of July, baby! One of the best holidays of the year where your entire family gets together and eats delicious desserts and watches the sky fill up with beautiful lights. Lights are incredible. Seriously has anyone just sat outside during a rain storm or maybe just a lightning storm and watched the amazing hand of God go to work? It's unforgetable. Anyways, sorry about that little bunny trail i just went down. Not only do I get to spend tomorrow night with my wonderful family, but i also get to spend it with a godly young man. ;) wow! now that's a whole nother story... sheesh! Definitely worth being told, but...like I said at the beginning, i like to keep you guys on your toes... so, on that note, I'll say good-bye.

Psalm 25